Thursday, September 18, 2008

If only.

In my short lifetime of 19 years, I've learned a few things. Although i had my fair share of really awkward years I feel like I've mostly come to terms with the person that I am, and my body type etc. BUT there are 2 things that i still just absolutely cant stand about myself. (I guess I have the rest of my life to work on them along with a million other things, but still.. these 2 issues are the ones I find myself wishing I could change the most at this time in my life.)

Frustrating Issue #1:
My whole life after I have gotten to know people i work with, or even some of my best friends, they usually say something along the lines of.. "Ash you are so much fun/cute/crazy, but when i first met you I thought you hated me!" or "Ashley you are so nice, i cant believe i used to think you were stuck up." or finally "I am glad we're friends now, but when you first started working here i thought you hated me and were such a snob" :(
Dear world, once I get to know a person, very seldom is there someone i absolutely CANT get along with or hate. I really am a nice person I promise! It just takes me a while to open up around people I don't know. I am not a snob, I don't think I am better then you, I'm simply really really SHY!! So please give me a chance! If i don't talk to you at first or have a hard time making eye contact it is simply because: I am a shy person, I don't know what to say around you, and you scare me. People are scary at first to me.. I know its stupid, but yet I still cant get over this

Issue I cant stand #2:
This problem can be summed up nicely in 5 words. I am a scaredy cat. I really am. There are so many things in life I haven't tried to do or done because I am too scared. I don't go after my dreams and what I really want because I am afraid that I wont be able to make it happen. If I am not positive that I can do something, I don't usually try. It is just sad, I know I shouldn't be scared, but telling myself doesn't usually do much to help. It drives me nuts.

Anyways this post doesn't really have a point. But these are the things I am working hardest to change about myself this year, and since this is my journal of sorts I decided maybe I should record these thoughts. That is all. the end.


kylie said...

Ash, don't get down! I love you!

Ashley said...

aw thanks kylie :) i love you too! dont worry im not depressed or anything haha.. just slightly frustrated haha